


Incognito Tabs

by ChrisAndCompany



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: First story, Gavin Reed is a dick, Hank Anderson Swears, Hank is best dad, Humiliation, I like dogs too connor, Pure Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Sort of a shitpost, Tags Are Hard, gavin is gonna get what he deserves, he totally deserved it tho, malfunction, mentions of porn, so sorry about the horrible tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:34:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23868340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrisAndCompany/pseuds/ChrisAndCompany
Summary: When a new update to Connor's detective program allows him to see deeper into a person's life (and search history), how will his coworkers react (aka abuse the ability)? Find out on this episode of Gavin Is A Piece Of Shit!orIncognito mode does not protect you from androids
Comments: 6
Kudos: 55





	Incognito Tabs

**Author's Note:**

> This story idea came to mind while in the bathroom (as all good ideas do) and I can't believe it took me this long to actually put it into words. I don't have any super serious hatred towards Gavin, but i'ts for shits and giggles XD. Also, this is my first story here on AO3, I seem to have upgraded from writing on Wattpad. This story is on there as well, and my username there is FallenCrye.
> 
> \---I'm not used to writing in this fandom, so the characters may be off, but I tried my best! ---
> 
> I hope you like it as much as I liked writing it :)

As most days start out, Connor follows a grumbling Hank into the station, passively listening to his complaints about the length of time it takes for Connor to pick out a pair of socks. Its not his fault that they come in so many colors and prints, and no one would hold it against him if he decided on ones with paw prints...right? Well, socks aside, he made a mental note to wake from stasis earlier, as to avoid wasting the Lieutenant's time.

"You should know that even with our... delay, that we have been arriving at a much more manageable time. From my analysis, we-"

A groan from Hank stops him, as the older man sends him a sideways glance.

"Yeah yeah I know already, ya don't need to spout out numbers and shit at this ungodly hour, so calm down before you bust a damn circuit or something." Dropping ungracefully into his desk chair, he waves a hand, dropping the subject. Connor chooses not to mention that 11am was hardly an 'ungodly' hour, electing to sit down at his own desk. Just looking over at him, he can see that Hank would have given anything to stay home and sleep, as with most days. The android can't really see why he'd desire that, as the Lieutenant has been much better at restricting alcohol and finding a more normal sleep schedule. The light at his temple blinks yellow at the processing power being used, and Connor chalks it up to just Hank being Hank, but just to be sure, he does a scan of the man sitting across from him, raising an eyebrow at his findings.

"Hank, care to tell me why there's alcohol in your system at 11am? I have previously advised you against such, as it interferes with daily productivity." Connor half whispers, as his social program alerts him that Hank may not appreciate that information spreading through the bullpen. An annoyed expression rises to the man's face before he deadpans at the question.

"Care to tell me why an android would need an hour and a half to choose a pair of socks?" He says, void of any emotion, or maybe too tired to express any. Connor flushes slightly at the jab, but dismisses the argument with a yellow LED, huffing slightly. Looking around the station, he notes that not many people are present, scanning the building to show the dwindling numbers. Shrugging it off, LED back to its normal hue, Connor rises from his chair and heads to the break room to grab water for Hank. On his way past, he notes the glare from the one and only Reed burning holes into his back, so he turns to glance his way. The detective freezes, probably expecting Connor to say something now that he's caught him staring. Much to Gavin's annoyance, the android just turns and continues on his way. Popping open the precinct fridge, he can hear Reed muttering something about 'that fucking android' and the corner of Connor's lips turn up slightly at the immaturity. Humming to himself, he grabs a water bottle and swings the door shut, turning to head back to Hank. Of course, having his pride hurt, Gavin was waiting for him as he moved past the sea of desks.

"Hey tincan! I'm talkin to you over here!" The voice carries over from the middle of the room, and Connor can practically hear the eye rolls from everyone present. Pausing for a moment he looks over to the detective, who suddenly reminds him of some kicked puppy, and tilts his head, LED blinking yellow for a moment.

"Is there something you need Detective Reed?" The question was harmless enough, but Connor's expression was anything but sincere. If you can imagine this face (-_-) you'll have a good idea. The man sputters, thrown of by Connor's apparent ability to not give a shit, and crosses his arms.

"Is there an issue with your program when it comes to common decency?? I don't think I appreciate your attitude much and_" Gavin keeps going on, but Connor has already turned away, returning to his desk and passing the water bottle to Hank, who looks up with a tired look.

"Wouldn't you think coffee would be more appreciated at the moment Connor?" He eyes the bottle like it'll grow arms and strangle him. Giving Hank a serious look, he begins to launch into a lecture about caffeine and alcohol, and the importance of hydrating properly before he's cut off by a hand covering his mouth. It takes his whole being to resist running an analysis on the skin covering his lips, but he manages to not do so, concluding that Hank wouldn't appreciate being licked.

"Okay for the love of everything please shut the fuck up." Hank pleads, taking a sip from the bottle and eyeing Connor to make sure he's appeased by his action. The android gives him a pointed look before grumbling about Hank's health and habits under his breath.

"What's this? You've got an android mother now Hank?? Unbelievable, you of all people..." Gavin snickers from his desk and Hank shoots a cross look over to him. Instinctively scanning his partner, Connor notes the rising stress level from the combined stress of Reed, Connor's lectures, and probably the alcohol in his system. Before he can step in and give his opinion, text in the corner of his analysis catch his attention. It seems like a new folder in Hank's profile, and under closer inspection, it appears to be from a new update to his detective protocol. Furrowing his eyebrows, Connor opens the file, jumping as his mouth starts moving on it's own accord.

"It's a pillow. It's a pet. It's a pillow pet!" Connor's hand slaps over his own mouth as he looks on in horror at the officers gawking at him. No one speaks as Gavin and Hank exchange a look before turning back to staring at the android. Connor moves to apologize, but the wrong words come out.

"Get connected, for free, free! With Education Connection!" Connor spins his chair to face the other way as he battles to regain control of his voice output system.

"Reese's puffs reese's puffs, PEANUT BUTTER CHOCOLATE FLAVORRRR!" Thoroughly horrified with the situation, Connor forcefully shuts down every running program, taking a second to partially reboot his systems. When the code runs clean, he adjusts his tie, and turns agonizingly slowly to face his coworkers. And what he sees sends a hot flush of embarrassment through him. Hank and Reed are still staring at him with an unidentifiable expression, Chris is leaning out of the break room with an amused curiosity, Officer Chen has her head against her desk, shoulders shaking with barely concealed laughter, and Fowler is giving them all a pointed (but confused) look through the glass walls of his office. Connor's LED shifts yellow, red for only a hair of a moment, before he dares to speak up.

"I... apologize Lieutenant, there seems to be... an update to the profiling sequence of my detective protocol..." He trails off as his coworkers share a glance. A second goes by, an hour for Connor, before laughter breaks out in the bullpen. The sudden noise startles Connor, and he takes a moment to scan his surroundings. Chen has given up trying to hide it and is now in tears, hitting her hand against their desk. Looking to Reed's desk, Connor's confused as to why he can't see the detective, when he realizes that Gavin IS there... just on the floor, rolling around with a wheezing laughter. Hank just has his head in his hands, almost as hysterical as Chen.

"Did I miss the joke...?" Connor frowns as he looks out over the office, spotting Chris leaning against the break room wall, phone in hand most likely to record the commotion. Crossing his arms, the android concentrates and tries to identify what the trigger for this amusement it. Reed pulls himself up his desk and plops down in the chair, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"What, are ya stuck in the 2000's there tincan??" Connor thinks back to what he had (unwillingly) said, and a search tells him that he had been reciting iconic commercials from the early to mid 2000's. This only made him more confused. What use would his program have from these outdated commercials. A quick reading of the folder he had opened gave him his answer. He shakes his head as the rest of his coworkers gather themselves.

"It looks like a folder has been added to the profiling sequence, allowing me to review things like, frequently viewed movies, books, people, and apparently commercials as well..." Connor gives Hank a puzzled look, clearly thinking too hard.

"But why are you watching these old commercials? Surely you're up to date on more recent programs?" Hank shakes his head at the question, a hand moving to run through his unkempt hair.

"It's all for the memes now Connor, I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand." LED spinning yellow, Connor almost sees his statement as a challenge, and proceeds to research these so called 'memes'. After a minute though, he has to give up as they absolutely make no sense whatsoever.

"Sometimes I worry for your mental well being Lieutenant."

"I can see your LED thingy havin a party there, don't hurt yourself." Hank laughs, adjusting himself in his seat.

"Now I'm curious as to what other people see... hey Chris! Let Connor do his scan thingy on you!" Hearing his name, Chris comes over, already regretting doing so.

And the next half an hour goes by with Hank having Connor scan people for funny commercials and stuff, until he turns to Gavin. Reed himself had been laughing along as other officers were put through the wringer for their choices in entertainment, until he himself was up.

"Yeah, no, I don't need an android scanning me for anything." He argues, his plea falling on deaf ears. Connor's LED blinks before he starts playing the air drums.

Gavin's insides drop.

"If you like PornHub you'll love PornHub Liv-"For the millionth time today, a hand slaps over Connor's mouth, this time from Gavin. If anyone had been paying attention, it would look like he teleported over to him. Caught off guard, Connor's tongue instinctively licks his hand, earning a disgusted noise from his victim. Too bad his programing wouldn't stop there.

"-ive. Introducing PornHub Live, the next level of your PornHub experience. It's to-" Connor continues on, Chris and Hank working to restrain Gavin as he's forced to listen on. Chen has resumed their previous hysterical state, struggling to breathe as laughter racked their chest.

"-tally live. Sexually Interactive. The ultimate custom porn on any device. Co-" The android, a fair shade of blue, moves to cover his mouth, dying of secondhand embarrassment, but his arms won't move that high, so he's left there to finish the audio clip. Gavin has given up fighting and sits there, defeated expression contrasting against his coworkers' amusement.

"-me play with us on PornHub Live and get into the action." The audio finishes, and Connor if left with a slack jaw, aching from trying to stop the clip from playing, his voice laced with a bit of static from straining his voice box too hard. A hand against his throat, Connor frowns.

"Now that Gavin has b-been thoroughly embarrassed, and I have been equally as thoroughly v-violated, I suggest we get back to work." He clicks his tongue at his stalling vocal processors and turns to sit at his desk. Both Gavin and Chen check out for the day, Reed too ashamed and Chen too hysterical to be of any use today. Dropping back into his desk chair, Hank pauses before looking to his partner.

"...please tell me you recorded that." Connor shook his head at the distasteful question. That was probably one of the most shameful parts of his little deviant life... yet he can't say he wasn't amused by seeing Gavin get a taste of his own medicine. Filing away that thought for later, Connor's LED flashes yellow for a moment before a notification is heard on Hank and Chris' phone. A moment passes before gleeful looks are exchanged by his coworkers.

"We owe ya one Connor"

**Author's Note:**

> Wow someone actually read this :D  
> Thanks for reading, and I always appreciate feedback AS LONG AS ITS CONSTRUCTIVE!
> 
> XOXO from Chris :0)


End file.
